Don't even bother to call or write to me. I know what you're going to say. You're going to tell me the usual: you can't be with me because (insert long list of bullshit excuses), then I'll cry, and try to drop the discussion, but you won't let me hang up. Instead, you'll do a complete one-eighty, and start going on about how much you love me and miss me and want to be with me. Right about here, if you're in the room with me, you try to touch me or kiss me. And sometimes I'm weak, and I fall for it. But it never wins me what I want, only gets you what you want: a moment of my blind, desperate hope that you'll be mine again. A show of vulnerability, another handful of my heart strings within your reach to grab and pull until they sever, and I die a little in my own blood, and you go to her, and laugh.

If you're just going to jerk me around, LEAVE ME ALONE! You know what I want, and you're never clear as to whether or not I can have it. Tell me yes, or tell me no. A yes doesn't have to mean "right now." Just stop changing your mind. Love me, or leave me!

I called your house earlier tonight. Your brother said you'd gone to the movies. I got that sinking feeling in me, and it hasn't gone away. In fact, it's made me physically sick. You said you'd be home at midnight. I called at one-thirty. Nobody answered the phone.

I don't sleep - I had nightmares all last night. Standing makes me dizzy, food makes me sick, and everything that doesn't numb my mind makes it think, and hurt me. I'm crazy. I'm the crazy fucking ex. And all because I'm so afraid... that by rescinding you, I've ruined my own whole life.