I tried to sleep, and couldn't. Also tried several times to beat Seymour in FFX and couldn't. Then I tried again to sleep, and couldn't. It's 4:10 a.m. now, and my mind's as awake as it was all night when Adam sent me his first e-mail. I'm just as worried, just as sick, if not more so.

What is with this stupid feeling? Why can my mind not just shut up? Argh - why did I ever let you go? How can I hate you and love you so much at the same fucking time?! I feel so strongly for you, and you have "some lingering feelings." Do you even care that I'm up so late, that I just spent two hours numbly playing a videogame with a lump in my throat, tears swimming in my eyes, and a sickness in my stomach I've never felt before you loved another?

This just doesn't feel right.... Why, if you love me, if you miss me, are we not together? Why can we not just be together? Why have you promised me a second chance, so many times, only to yank it away?

I need to stop whining about this. I've made my own thorny bed.

You had a good idea, Joey. Perhaps I need to do that.