I cried for hours last night, with my mom. I had nowhere else to turn.

Then I turned to a nail file, and put some nice long gashes in myself.

I need to die. I need him to survive. Please... can't you see that I love you and would do anything for you? I would die for you. Please... please forgive me.

No more happy notes from Sunshine, calling me "babes".... He says he's coming over to "pick up his things." What things? He said yesterday, before this fight, that he would sleep here.... I... I need that to happen. I need him to forgive me. god, I need it.

I'm so... pathetic....

It's so different this time... he's never been so mad at me before... he threw me into a wall... he yelled in my face, and he's never been so mad at me for so long.... I've had faith that we could get through anything, but he won't budge on this, and my last shred of faith has become a desperate hope... a plea, please, no, don't leave me. He says I've lost him forever... and he's said it before, but this time... he seems to mean it. And this time, he has somewhere else to run...

He got in his car last night, after our fight, and went to her.... I'm told she called me a bitch. Ouch. But, also, that she told him to work this out, that he still loves me and despite that he may want to deny it, always will.

I did this, long ago. I went to one for help with a problem I was having with another. That turned into something destructive... and... this, too, has turned into something, what you're doing, Adam. Going to her for help with our problems is... not really fair, when you won't stay and talk things out with ME, the person you're having the problem with, but instead go to someone who's only going to know one side of the story, the one you tell, and then, when she tells you what I told you basically, you don't listen to either of us.... But, besides that, going to her for support means she will eventually become your one and only everything... and you told me, you didn't want that. You told me you wanted to be alone, with neither of us. You came over and broke it off with me, broke my heart. You said you were going to perform the second half later that night. But you didn't. Because secretly, you don't want to... do you? It's as I suspected... I'm Joey, and she's your Adam... you hope she'll be the one to rid your mind of me....