JOEL LIKES A CHICK WITH A KID!

Tough shit, dude. :-D

Added December 10: I apologize for this entry. It was horribly shallow and bitter of me.

While I'm in this horrendous mood, I have a beef.

YOU SMOKE? YOU STINK! Don't do it near me or come near me after doing it! god, keep your gross-smelling diseased choice in your own house and yard.

I am in such a horrendous mood.

A few people have suggested, after learning that I love Evanescence, that I check out the Kidney Thieves. I want to thank those people very much.

My mom decorated some of the house for Xmas yesterday, and I wrapped Mom's and Adam's gifts. (Stupid me, I left the receipt for the latter on my bed when he came over, and he almost saw what I got him!)

It's exactly a month until the holiday, and the weather's still in a warm ten to minus-five degree range, and it rains and doesn't snow. This winter kicks ass. If only it would stay this way, and not become last winter.

My mom tells me I look stunning in turtlenecks.

My cat puked on my white bedroom carpet this morning. He chose the corner with the juice- and nail-polish stains, at least. But I nearly stepped in it on my way to my desk. It reeked like salmon.

I bitched, Mom shampooed that bit of the floor, and now my fan is pointed at it. Damn cat.

I wrapped Misty's Xmas gift. Me so proud of self. I normally suck at wrapping, but I did well.

Okay, so I have yet to start gift-wrapping. Because I sat in front of my PlayStation and played FFX-2 for waaay, waaay too long. I now have 32% of the game complete, I'm halfway through Chapter 2, and my characters are hitting Level 30 and mastering job classes.

I dreamed last night that I went to church. One day there, my sweet uncle Bill went psycho and shot his wife in a back room, then came out into the main hall with shotgun blazing. I curled into a ball in the pew, hoping to be spared, but I was shot in the right side of the chest, anyhow. The pain was instantaneous, but gone quickly, and I just felt warm. I got up and, like everyone else had intelligently begun doing before me, broke for the back doors. For some reason, the man decided to chase me down; everybody else escaped. I ran down the street, kept looking back over my shoulder. He was always close behind, saving his ammunition for a clear shot.

I ducked into some trees by a power pole, hoping he would pass me by, but he found me. Panicking, I shook a tree, and that created enough of a diversion for me to slip into the woods. Coming to a creek, I sighed, and thought, Bill could never swim. (In reality, I have no idea whether or not he can.) I plunged into the water and started swimming for the life of me, tired but still surprisingly spry considering my injuries.

I kept glancing backward, but never saw him there. I was relieved to finally have shaken him, but too early. When I turned around, he was in the water, right in front of me. His mouth opened, wide, wide, wider than his face. The huge, gaping mouth sucked me in and swallowed me whole. His throat and stomach were hot, wet, terrifyingly cramped, airless, burning my skin with their acids. But not dark. I was surrounded by dull shades of green, brown, and off-white. Worst of all, I knew I wasn't going to escape.

I forced myself to wake up, and stay awake. It was six a.m. I turned on the TV. Sunday morning TV really blows. Unless you're five years old, or a compulsive shopper. I watched pandering cartoons and infomercials. And Zoboomofoo (blargh, I can't spell that). Yay for the latter. Aminals!

I fell asleep again at around eight o'clock, slept till ten-thirty, got up, and was effectively sucked in to the Internet and the PS2 for the rest of the day. How sad.

Now, I am gathering motivation to shower. Donations appreciated.

I'm gonna wrap Xmas gifts today!

I have lots of people left to buy for. I'll have to finish my list, of who to buy for and what I want to buy them.

Fuck, I hated this "my friends think my boyfriend is an asshole" bullshit when I was with Joey, and I hate it more now.

I only have words, and they fail me. Forever. Nothing I say is ever good enough. I just... can't be in the middle of this.

No, R and N, I didn't mean either of you. (love) And yes, R, I did take those photos.

The sky right now is a gorgeous lavender, fading to pink, then a darker mauve. If I were smart, I would get off of my ass right now and take a picture. Though my shitty digicam couldn't possibly capture the beauty of it. I did just tell Joel to go have a look. I wonder if he can see the same sliver I see from my bedroom window, obstructed by bare oak and maple trees and a thick black power line.

I have yet to be successful at activating my external CD burner. It makes me feel sad and inferior. All I want is to be able to burn CDs, damn it. But I suck with computer hardware. It's funny that people think I should be good with it, because I type code. It doesn't work that way, believe it or not. I can weed out bugs from applications, but when it comes to ports and screws and cards and hardware installations, I sneeze on it.

Adam's coming back this evening to watch wrestling with me. He thinks he'll quit his job tonight.

I fade away, into oblivion
Every second I'm alive without you....

On his couch, he snuggled his head into my shoulder, wrapped his warm hand around mine, and sang this to me softly.

My jaw is malfunctioning majorly. I guess I'll have to pop in my bite plane for a few nights and see what happens. It's getting so I can't open my mouth wide enough to put in food, and chewing hurts.

Half an hour till the weekend. Yeehah.

I can't get enough of you. I wish I could reach out and touch you at more points than not throughout my day. I'd love to subsist on highs sparked by the love in your blue eyes, but I wish they weren't so far apart as they are now - though outsiders think we spend enough time together as it is, I always want more. As I said, I can't get enough. I always want you near me, and it scares me to be alone, because I don't like to think of having to feel so lonely forever. It's been mere days over a week, our new bond is so delicate still. The glue hasn't even set between the bits of our broken love. One fall.... I'm so afraid that one fall will scatter those pieces everywhere. I'm afraid to fall. I'm afraid that you will. I don't know which would kill me more.

Why do people do things they know could hurt them? It's these people that have left me with no real place to express my feelings, unless I forge out a new camp. That makes me sad. The fact that I feel obligated to keep people happy even when it infringes on my own rights, even when I'm told I shouldn't care about said people, that my places are my own in which to say whatever I choose.

I'm cold. But I'm a sneaky leopard-printed woman. I feel like pouncing. If only I can find my prey.

Yesterday, all a certain coworker did was complain that he'd been left with no work to do when our boss left.

"I'm just wasting my time," he said. Over and over.

"I might as well go home," he said. Over and over.

This last statement led me to believe that he had a car in which he could go home in.

Since he's so hell-bent on leaving, I decide that I may as well go, too. I stand up and put on my coat.

"Are you going?" he asks. I say yeah, I may as well; I, too, have been left with no work I need to be in this building specifically to do. "Can I get a ride with you?"

By this point I suppose I've gotten his hopes up, so I said sure. I didn't want to leave in the first place; I've missed so much work, I'm going to get a shitty rap as it is. I felt pressured to leave by his constant complaints. Never mind that I've driven him home about three nights a week for about a month now, and I've been paid gas money once. I took the man home.

This morning, when the boss is out of the room, my coworker turns to me and says, "He wasn't happy with us for leaving yesterday. He got back about one, one-thirty. He asked me this morning why we hadn't been here. I told him, I left 'cause she was leaving. She was my ride!"

Oh, how fucking nice. He bitched and moaned about having nothing to do and wasn't so kind to ask for a ride until I finally gave in to his crap and agreed with him, and then he blamed our absence on me!

I don't like that guy... damn it. Blahgrr.

I dreamed last night that I fucked Macaulay Culkin in my rec room. The little-kid form, though he was supposedly my age. Yeeeeuck. He did have a huge, er, "unit," but Koady Y. came in later and revealed that Culkin's rich ass had paid for medications that made it 20% bigger.

Stupid dreams. I was cold as ice in bed last night. I didn't even want to get out of it this morning, imagining how cold it must have been "out there" if it was this cold "in here." I got to work fifteen minutes late.

I went to Adam's last night. We played video games and had spaghetti with melted marble cheese. Yummy, all of it. I watched him beat Final Fantasy X, with my characters. I got sad, because I've been playing the game for so long I sort of forgot it had an ending, and that the characters aren't real.

I need a damn life. I haven't written anything of substance here for a long time. Probably ever.

I dreamed that "Jive" was all over my man, and I kicked her ass. It was wicked. I mean, I thoroughly kicked her ass. I bitch-slapped her, I punched her in the teeth, and I gave her an F-5 (for the uninformed: a move in the WWE in which some poor sucker is hoisted across his punisher's shoulders, spun ninety degrees and slammed on his face)!

Britney Spears was in that dream, also. I gave her constructive criticism of her performance; my sister told her she sucked. I later got to swim with Britney. She was wearing a black bikini. She was also a pretty decent swimmer, doing flips under the water.

I get to go home at noon today, and I don't have to work tomorrow. I have not discerned why we're being dismissed early today - I was just told by my boss that today we could leave then. Hey, I won't look it in the mouth. I'll go home and level up my FFX characters some more. Tidus is learning black magics.

It feels like I haven't written here in awhile.

Adam, Willie, Ryan and I went to Joel's last night for wrestling for the first time in three weeks. We missed half of the show because basketball decided to bump it back an hour - rats. Joel's nephew Hunter, or "Barn," was there. That's one happy, hyper kid. It's cute to watch Joel interact with him. I love it when guys are good with kids.

I also got to see Joel's oldest brother, Todd (Hunter's dad), for the first time. Wow - everyone in Joel's family looks alike. He calls Hunter "Bug."

Joel's hair is still very blue. I like the colour on him, buuut, it does detract from the brightness of his blue eyes. I think jet black, perhaps with some colour throughout, would suit him well. Meanwhile, I think I will colour my own black again, sometime soon. It can go in right on top of my natural colour, so, no damage to my hair. I long for healthy hair again, and, it's getting there.

Adam and Willie got into a row, and I got pissy because them fighting was making things awkward for the group, plus Willie was spitting loud profanity and Hunter was a room away, so I yelled at them, called them children and told them to take their testosterone outside. They didn't. Willie claimed to be mad because Adam had smacked him in the head - apparently that bothers him more than being hit anywhere else - but Adam smacked him because, while in a play-fight with Ryan, Willie's head hit a plastic bag full of PS2 hardware and my Doritos bags, and a loud pop sounded, so Adam naturally thought something had broken, and he felt he needed to put a quick end to their foolish horsing around to assess the damage. Luckily, it had only been my Doritos bag. So I ate some and took the rest home for my fridge.

I played the Final Fantasy X-2 demo. I hate Active Mode battles! (Active Mode: The creatures can attack while you are. Wait Mode - what I prefer: The battle system is turn-based, meaning my slow, dumb ass has plenty of time to choose an appropriate attack, because the monster doesn't get to move until its turn. I know, you think, 'Screw that, Active is more realistic,' but it's hard, so poop to you.) Other than that, the demo was alright; though, the videos I've downloaded from the Net did more to hook me on the game.

I had another nightmare last night, but not about the usual. This one involved me being in a brick chamber with ominous words written on the walls, which were dripping with green slime. Also, my oldest brother Ian was killed by a drunk driver in it.

I hope to finish the Amulet Consulting website today. I'd better go get to work on that.

I'm back, with pictures. Blaaaah. Behold. Flood pics.

I bought boooots... a pair I've seen many times in brown and have been looking for in black for a long time. They rise above the ankle, and have laces up the back. Yum. Also bought a b+w striped tank with a slash across the top.

I got to work this morning, see, and nobody was there and the door was locked. So I did my mall errands between 10:30 and noon, then tried to find Adam to give him the message that I won't be in to see him at work this evening, but nobody knew where he was. I left the message with both Willie and the school's reception desk.

I'm sorting through my photos of recent flash floods for the best ones. My foot's asleep.

Time to eat, and shower. After that, I feel like wearing a skirt, white fishnets and my new shirt, though I won't, because I'll have no occasion.

Lots and lots of glue and 105 minutes of hair-pulling, Locke. But he got the desired result. It made him seven foot six, and got him all kinds of questions in the mall. It kicked ass.