I took in a lot of information last night - some words made me smile, some angered me, some sliced my heart. As usual, none if it quite hit me fully until I noticed the absence of Adam. But, strangely, I'm not reacting as usual.

He was brutally frank, made comparisons, and perhaps I needed that. I was kicked in the head, in the ass, shot through the heart. But, I feel... alright. Perhaps I'm numb to these pains now. That would be nice. Can I hope for it, without my longing jinxing me?

Heeding the advice of one of my noters at OpenDiary, I asked him flat-out if he'd ever again be interested in being with anyone but me. I was pleased with the answer I got, though I don't really believe that we can ever know what we might want beyond immediate desires.

He has some sort of secret plan for me, for New Year's. I have only the slightest ideas as to what he could be up to, but really, I've got so close to nothing. Maybe he'll tell me he's pregnant. Heh.

I want to dye my hair's front strips before Adam's party on Boxing Day. I'm thinking of black, with blue at the ends. I don't think the dark green at the roots is going to let up enough to revert back to my cherished blonde.

I ought to let myself sleep soon. I have much to do tomorrow, in preparation for the holiday. Must not sleep until two and play Final Fantasy the rest of the day!