Adam got a satellite dish. I don't know what that will mean for the future of our wrestling nights. Now, when he doesn't feel like going out, he doesn't have to miss the show, therefore, there's less motivation for him to leave the house (unless his crabby parents won't let him use the dish, because a show they want to watch is on - like stupid Survivor). He normally comes down here to watch Raw on Mondays, so I might lose those few hours of weekly time with him - not that there's any shortage of replacement hours.

He played a game of Risk on my PS2 this morning - it looks fun. I wanted to play a game of it with him last night before we went to bed, but he was too tired, and then, when he got his second wind and wanted to play, I was too tired. We played some other games (wink, wink), but I probably shouldn't have. I'm not sure, but I think I fell asleep in the middle of something important. I was really, really sluggy. I slept like a baby, though, until Adam made me get up at one this afternoon. He cheated, he sniffed me and pushed me and bothered me with cold hands. He was really cute, in a new white T-shirt, new big black pants, and scruffy hair. He said I was crazy to think so. He looks really good in white, I think. He offered to make me lunch, but I only wanted Golden Grahams with milk + strawberries.

I took the Xmas colours out of my hair. (sadness) I get sick of the holidays fast after Xmas day. The front pieces are hereby blonde again, meaning they'll probably stay that way for another long while. Also, I tried out my new Infusium leave-in conditioner - miracle stuff, that is!

I'm going to have to go back to work soon. I'd forgotten how sweet it felt to do whatever, whenever. I love staying up until four a.m., sleeping in until early afternoon, snacking and playing videogames all day. Me lazy, though I'm not so proud of that. Fortunately, my laziness isn't obvious by my appearance. But unfortunately, my current lifestyle is never going to make me any money, because this world isn't tailored to please me.

I notice, when my family gets together, that you have to yell to be heard. I don't like that. Where's the need for such loud voices, excessive noise? They never wait for one to finish a story before beginning a new one. I don't like being drowned out, interrupted, or plain ignored. Joel would have a coronary. He thinks his family does it enough.

We gathered at my house to play a couple of games of Trivial Pursuit - that game sure is good at making me feel as smart as a ton of bricks.

I want blue hair dye. I'm thinking I will dye the green black, as it seems not to be budging. I'll cut the short pieces to my chin again, and dye the tips blue fading to purple. Tomorrow, maybe. Adam's here, and I always seem to have more motivation to do things when he's around to make me happy and bouncy and energetic.

I'm finally giving my website a new layout. It's black, white, blue + chunky. I like it so far, but don't have a grand idea for the menu. It'll probably be less graphically-artistic than my current one.

Well, I wrote nothing exciting here, quel surprise.

I'm suffering in my new shirt. I'm cold. I was called "gorgeous" in it by two of my aunts at my family's Boxing Day dinner, Joey liked it so much he thinks it might be part of my attire in his comic strip, and Adam complimented me for it - which amazed me simply because usually, I could be wearing a garbage bag and he wouldn't say anything specific about my clothing, just that I "look fine" or am "beautiful as always."

It's two a.m. now, though - high time to change into some comfy plaid pants and an old T-shirt, and tuck myself into my white comforter while I finish this.

I got my Xmas gifts from my friends. Adam gave me a calendar full of kittens and a white stuffed bear wearing a little white T-shirt with my favourite picture of my nuggly bear on it. Joey got me a book, The Royal Diaries: Lady of Ch'iao Kuo, which I'd been eyeing in Chapters one day, and a magazine full of cat pics. Joel gave me a globe (tee-hee, just typed "blobe") full of clear bubbles frozen in place, that you set on a lamp that rotates coloured light through it, and plays nature sounds at the press of a button. I've got it playing water sounds now. (meditates)

I have another gift for Misty, must finish up two for Andrew and Rae, and ship the latter's packages.

My throat hurts. I could go for some juice. I may go to town tomorrow, though I really ought to clean my room instead.

I took in a lot of information last night - some words made me smile, some angered me, some sliced my heart. As usual, none if it quite hit me fully until I noticed the absence of Adam. But, strangely, I'm not reacting as usual.

He was brutally frank, made comparisons, and perhaps I needed that. I was kicked in the head, in the ass, shot through the heart. But, I feel... alright. Perhaps I'm numb to these pains now. That would be nice. Can I hope for it, without my longing jinxing me?

Heeding the advice of one of my noters at OpenDiary, I asked him flat-out if he'd ever again be interested in being with anyone but me. I was pleased with the answer I got, though I don't really believe that we can ever know what we might want beyond immediate desires.

He has some sort of secret plan for me, for New Year's. I have only the slightest ideas as to what he could be up to, but really, I've got so close to nothing. Maybe he'll tell me he's pregnant. Heh.

I want to dye my hair's front strips before Adam's party on Boxing Day. I'm thinking of black, with blue at the ends. I don't think the dark green at the roots is going to let up enough to revert back to my cherished blonde.

I ought to let myself sleep soon. I have much to do tomorrow, in preparation for the holiday. Must not sleep until two and play Final Fantasy the rest of the day!

Adam's here, watching Velocity. I promised I'd watch it with him. I wonder if sitting in the same room, looking up at the screen from time to time, counts. (He confirms.)

I want ideas for a new website layout. I don't mean I want people to give them to me, I mean I want them to come to me. But, they're just not. Usually they do from a photo I just love so much I build a layout around it. I've found photos, but by the time I gather the energy to even fathom a complete rehaul of my website, I'm tired of the photo.

I'm bored with my hair, as well. I find myself wanting real-looking hair, for a change - or more so, at least. I'm thinking of lightening the half of my hair that hasn't been bleached, from black to my natural light brown, to speed up the growing-out process, so to speak. I'll keep the strips by my face untouched and pull off whatever spontaneous thing I want with them, but having someone dye the layers at the back of my head is a nuisance.

Eh, but when am I not bored with my hair - even when I think it rules. I do think hair dye becomes an addiction, and I'm trying to kick it, because my poor hair is just fried.

I'll quit complaining. I wrapped three more gifts this afternoon - w00t. Although one, I just padded with cut-up plastic and put in a gift bag, with tape to hold it shut and a tag stuck on the handles.

Adam's having a party on Boxing Day. We'll have his house to ourselves, and we'll be playing our modified version of Dungeons & Dragons - we haven't played in a long while. Those who are coming will exchange gifts then, meaning, I won't know what Adam got me until the day after Xmas.

Four more mornings until I wake up to lights and breakfast on Xmas. I wake up to Adam tomorrow - lovely! I wish I could wake up to both, but it's not to be this year.

Speaking of countdowns, only - what, three more months of winter? I've got to get through it alive. I hate how ridiculously down the white stuff on the ground gets me. I'm so easily wounded, I'm overreacting to everything - I hate it, and I'm sure I'm not the only one.

I am so psyched that there are only nine days left until Xmas. I can't wait to give out my gifts, and open mine, of course. Tee-hee. The Xmas dinner is not such a big deal to me - last year, I had nachos. I'm not hugely fond of turkey.

Though, I am not ready for the holiday at all. I still have lots of shopping to do, and some wrapping to do, plus, I haven't even started my Xmas cards and e-cards. Eep. Xmas stress.

We bought our tree (my family prefers real ones), but it is currently in the garage. If I'm lucky, we might drag it into the house this weekend. Then I can stuff my gifts under it, and not have them clogging up my closet.

Now that I have every day off until after New Year's at least, I hope to spend some time at Joey's place. Also, Adam wants to take a group of us to Lord of the Rings this weekend, if it's not sold out, which it most likely is.

I watched Young & Loaded on MuchMusic last night, a program that exposes the spending habits of young, rich celebrities. I was disgusted. In a world where children starve and die of thirst for lack of clean drinking water, how can Britney Spears have any conscience after spending $25,000 in forty minutes at one store, which she had closed for five hours so she could shop in peace? She wasn't the only one. I wanted to vomit at practically every bit of what I heard (Justin Timberlake's collection of cars, for example, and Amanda Bynes' preferred $90/oz facial cream). Fucking selfish celebrities. I wanted to smack them in the head. It certainly reaffirmed my so-far-successful vow to mind my own splurging.

I have to shower today. It's 2:18, and I have not gotten out of bed, except to journey to the washroom and take a picture of the ridiculous snowbank blocking the view from the pool-room window.

I'm finished with my unpaid work term. Hurrah!

I remember a time in my life in which nearly every free minute of my days was spent on the Internet. Now, I have no idea what I did on the Net with all that time. I find it so dull now. Mainly I just download stuff, talk to people, and check my diary notes 6,784 times if I'm stuck on the Net for any decent length of time.

I'm in the process of doing something to my hair. I'm having doubts about it, but, there's always the option of turning back, which I'm sure I will in a couple of weeks, due to the odd fondness I've taken to my hair's recent combination of lots of black and bits of blonde. The trick is to act like I think it's hot shit, even if it's not. Confidence is what most admire.

Gotta get up early tomorrow and call Melissa regarding what time her Xmas party starts. I meant to wrap her gifts tonight, but I got sucked into Spira. (The world in Final Fantasy X-2.)

My cat is snuggled up next to me on my bed, cleaning himself. I loves him good.

Chiller font is good for Korn CD labels.

I felt so shitty today, despite getting to see Adam for a couple of hours. He cheered me up greatly, though, by a) understanding, b) not overreacting, and c) calling me his "perfect little babes." I usually feel tall and fat and gangly and disgusting, so to be referred to as "little" makes me feel small and cute. He always makes me smile at the least when he sniffs my face like a hyper puppy, damn him.

I think the only time I felt alright today was while he was here, and while I was with the kitties. We went to the mall for awhile, and I was sucked in by the kittens in the front of the pet store. I hate it when they mew - I want to kidnap them all, but I can't. I was also taken with a ton of puppies and rats and bunnies. Me love animals. I wanted them all. Adam will attest to the fact that it took him a long time to drag me out of that store. I was even fascinated by the icky hermit crabs, and their claws click-clicking on the glass walls of their tank.

I'm not down over anything in particular. Well, problems with Joel, but I think - I hope - I'm imagining those to be worse than they are. I blame the winter blues. Or holiday "depression." I've always gotten both quite persistently.

Tomorrow is Thursday, at least - yay! The night of friends, laughs, wrestling, Grand Theft Auto, Doritos, and yummy juice. I'm hoping that cheers me up some.

It's ten after eleven - time to call Adam and go to bed. I don't want to be up until three a.m. tonight, and miss work for the third day in a row.

So, I haven't written here in awhile.

I fixed a resolution problem for my workplace's website. It was so easy - just a padding problem, a number adjustment. All this time, I've thought I would have to adjust the forced spacing, link size, frame size, etc., or any number of the aforementioned. Nope - just one parameter. Hurrah!

I've got considerably more of my Xmas shopping done than I had. I now have Joel's and Cole's gifts wrapped up pretty in my closet. Next on the list is Joey's, I suppose. I'm going to be so broke.

I dreamed about a friend that died four years ago this January. We were shopping together, and I picked out a shirt she fell in love with. I remember starting to wake up, and thinking, No, don't wake up.... If you do, you won't get to see her again for a long time. But, I did. She wasn't a close friend, but she was a nice girl.

I'm having a lot more guilt about something than Adam is. It keeps coming up again and again in my mind, while he seems to have put it behind him altogether. I am glad for him, and wish I could do the same. I wonder if there is anything I could do to help myself, but, I'm not sure how it would work - actually, I'm almost sure it wouldn't. So... bleh.

I've got two ideas in mind for writing projects, but no faith in myself to write them well, or motivation to start on them.

• A man leaves his pregnant girlfriend. Her best friend moves in with her, to keep her company in his absence, volunteers to help raise the child until she deems someone else more worthy of the job. The woman, largely due to loneliness and postpartum depression, starts to think she's in love with the friend. I'd probably make the friend female, just to mix things up. I don't like to be too typical, and I like to expose the harmless reality of same-sex love.
• A woman is involved in a car accident, and lightly scarred. Her husband sees no less of her beauty, but all she sees in the mirror is a hideous monster. Her self-esteem issues slowly start to wear away at first the abundant patience of her loving husband, then at the strength of their marriage.

I started every paragraph with 'I.' I rule.